i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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