she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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