Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.