All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes