everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
