MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.