while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.