She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.