Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's just like the Real World with babies
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.