I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
