so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea