just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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