so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
