I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
