who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
