1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
