You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
