i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
