I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
