he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
