Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
