oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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