Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
