I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
where does the pee come out of this thing
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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