Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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