I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
