lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
