Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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