I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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