We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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