So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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