I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
