He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
