but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.