2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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