Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that