I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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