thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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