Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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