She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hippo gnu deer
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
