If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
