dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
