If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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