I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
