Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
