Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
