i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
