ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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