$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at about main and main street
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
