happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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