I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
