He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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