i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
