I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
