we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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