it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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