Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
