He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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