WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
