I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Betty ford says i'm here all night
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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