4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
