Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
