He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
