I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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