and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
