Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
