I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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