I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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