Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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