I wish I only lived at night.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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