it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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