She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
