So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
