Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
