not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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