Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
