y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize