hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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